When You’ve Left the Old Behind, but the New Isn’t Here Yet

I didn’t know how difficult the in-between could be until I found myself there.

In some strange way, I think it can almost be easier to be in the middle of obvious chaos, sadness, anger or pain. At least then you know what you’re dealing with. There is something concrete to hold onto, something you know you’re trying to get through.

But then comes this strange part afterwards. You’ve made difficult decisions, let go of something, changed things and done a lot of work on yourself. Somewhere inside, you might even know that you’re moving in the right direction, but the new isn’t fully here yet.

And for me, these have sometimes been the hardest moments of all.

When You’ve Done the Work but Can’t See Where It’s Taking You Yet

There is something incredibly frustrating about the in-between. Maybe you’ve spent months or even years working on yourself. You’ve changed old patterns, made decisions you wouldn’t have been able to make before and left behind things you knew no longer felt right for you.

But you still can’t really see what is replacing them. You’ve done all this work and at some point you start wondering: when is this actually going to start feeling better?

I know that feeling really well. There have been times when I’ve known somewhere inside that things were moving in a better direction while absolutely nothing around me seemed to confirm it yet. And strangely, those have often been the moments when I’ve questioned everything the most.

It can feel like you’ve already paid the price of changing your life, but you haven’t reached the part where you understand what all of it was for.

That space can feel incredibly uncomfortable.

The Old Can Start Looking Better From the In-Between

This is one of the things I’ve noticed again and again. When the new hasn’t had time to build itself yet, the old can suddenly start looking much better than it actually was.

Not necessarily because you truly want it back, but because you know it. There may have been familiar routines, people, places and roles. You knew how that life worked. You probably had some idea of what tomorrow, next week and next month would look like.

The new might currently consist mostly of question marks.

And without really noticing it, you can start comparing a finished old life with an unfinished new one.

But unfinished doesn’t mean worse. It just means it isn’t finished yet.

Sometimes I think what I’ve missed in these moments hasn’t even been my old life. I’ve missed the certainty that came with it. I’ve wanted to know what happens next.

There is something very human underneath that. Research into uncertainty has looked at how not knowing what comes next affects the way we anticipate and respond to possible future outcomes. When something is uncertain, we simply have less information available to prepare for what is coming.

Familiar patterns also have something that new ones don’t have yet: repetition. Habit research has shown how behaviours repeated in familiar contexts can become increasingly automatic over time. We can make a decision to do something differently much faster than a completely new way of living can become familiar.

I actually find something comforting about that. Maybe the fact that something new still feels strange doesn’t automatically tell me that it’s wrong.

Maybe it’s simply still new.

Sometimes the Decision Changes Before the Rest of Your Life Does

I’ve noticed this so many times in my own life. Sometimes my mind has already moved much further than my external life has. Other times, everything around me has changed so quickly that internally I’m still trying to catch up.

Not every part of our lives changes at exactly the same speed. You might already know what you no longer want but have no idea what you want instead. You might have made a huge decision, but the new everyday life hasn’t formed around it yet. You might have changed enormously inside while, from the outside, your life still looks almost exactly the same.

And sometimes the opposite happens. Your relationship ends, you leave a job, you move somewhere new or your everyday life changes almost overnight, while some part of you is still living according to the old reality.

I’m actually in one of these in-between periods as I’m writing this. I’ve left my permanent job, I don’t really have one permanent home right now, and I’m building a business without knowing yet whether it will become financially sustainable enough to support the life I want. There are still a lot of question marks. And strangely, I’m okay with that. I don’t know exactly how everything is going to work out, but right now I trust this direction enough to keep going and see where it takes me.

I think we sometimes expect all of these pieces to fall into place at once. The decision, the feelings, the new habits, the external circumstances and our understanding of who we are now.

But maybe they need time to find each other.

A lot can be changing even when your life still feels strangely unfinished.

I’ve Sometimes Seen the In-Between as a Test

This is also where my own spiritual beliefs come into it.

I believe there are things in life and in the universe that we can’t always explain logically, and I’ve sometimes experienced these in-between periods almost as tests. They seem to bring me back to the same question: am I going to return to what I already know, or trust what is still being built even when I can’t fully see it yet?

Maybe that’s part of why these periods have felt so significant to me.

It’s much easier to trust change once you can already see what good has come from it. When the new opportunity has arrived, when your new life feels normal or when you can finally look backwards and understand why something needed to happen.

It’s a completely different thing to trust it when you can’t see much of anything yet.

And I think that’s exactly why the in-between can be such an easy place to turn around. The old is right there. You already know how to live there. The new is asking you to keep going without giving you all the evidence yet.

For me, those have been some of the moments when I’ve learned the most about whether I really trust the choices I’ve made.

Give the New a Chance to Become Visible

This is probably the part I want to say most to anyone who might be somewhere in the middle right now.

For me, these periods have always moved eventually. Sometimes they’ve lasted longer than I wanted them to and sometimes things have changed much faster than I expected, but eventually something has started moving. A new idea, a person, an opportunity, a different feeling or sometimes simply the first little moment when I realise that my life already feels different from how it did a month ago.

And afterwards, I’ve often been incredibly grateful that I didn’t go back during the hardest part simply because the old was familiar.

That’s why I want to encourage you to see this part through before you decide to go backwards.

If you know why you started moving away from something, give yourself the chance to find out where that decision might take you. Don’t compare your finished old life with your unfinished new one, and don’t automatically take uncertainty as proof that you’re lost.

You don’t need to know what your whole life looks like six months from now. You don’t need to feel completely certain about your direction every day. And maybe you don’t need to fill the empty space immediately just because being somewhere in between feels uncomfortable.

I’ve been through enough of these periods now to know that when I’m in one, I don’t want to give up on myself in the middle of it. I want to stay long enough to see what happens next.

So if you’re there right now, somewhere between what was and whatever comes next, don’t go back just because the new isn’t visible yet.

Give it some time. Give yourself some time and let the pieces catch up with each other.

See this part through.

You can do this. ✨

If You’re Somewhere in the In-Between Right Now

I created the 7-Day Clarity Reset for moments when you know something needs to change, but you don’t have all the answers yet. It’s a seven-day guided pause to help you look at where you are right now, what you need and what your next small step could be.

Explore the 7-Day Clarity Reset Here

✨A Question to Take With You

Do you actually want to go back to what was, or do you just wish you already knew what comes next?


❤️Sofia / Grounded Studio 555

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Sources & FurtherReading

Grupe, D. W. & Nitschke, J. B. (2013). Uncertainty and anticipation in anxiety: an integrated neurobiological and psychological perspective. Nature Reviews Neuroscience.

Wood, W. & Rünger, D. (2016). Psychology of Habit. Annual Review of Psychology.

A Small Note

This article is based on my personal experience, reflection and research. My thoughts about spirituality and the universe reflect my own beliefs and the way I make sense of my experiences. This content is intended for self-reflection and inspiration and should not be considered medical or mental health advice.